Is it OK to express emotion at work?
There is a quote from the Stereophonics that often crops up in my brain: ‘I don't live to work, I work to live, and live at the weekend’. A generation ago, work was a place that you went to in order to earn money to support you and your family. However, today, society has changed to such an extent that the contact and connection that we once found in our locality and community is often now provided within the workplace.
One of the most influential voices in relationship psychology today is Esther Perel. Known for her groundbreaking work in relationship dynamics, Perel has brought attention to the emotional and psychological aspects of human connection—something often overlooked in professional environments.
She states that the 4 pillars of healthy workplace relationships are:
- Trust. A person is far more likely to commit and invest in an outcome or product if they feel that those around them have their back. Trust also fosters a supportive environment, where people are able to learn and grow.
- Belonging. This is crucially important, as it speaks to a sense of emotional connection, engagement and purpose in your work, which is very important in preventing burn out, and reducing stress. It is not uncommon for people to move jobs every 2-3 years, which suggests that people may not feel deeply connected to those around them or the purposes and priorities of their workplace, and can increase burn out and feelings of dissatisfaction.
- Recognition. Traditional hierarchies and the top-down approach to leadership are being questioned, especially as younger generations enter the workforce with different expectations about authority and collaboration. In her approach, Perel invites us to consider power not just as a one-way relationship but as something fluid and reciprocal. Leaders today need to be more than just decision-makers; they must also be emotional intelligence experts, communicators, and facilitators. By acknowledging that power is shared and that everyone has something valuable to contribute, leaders can foster a more inclusive and supportive environment.
- Collective resilience. Resilience is often thought of as being an individual attribute, where a person is able to work flexibly and reflexively, and adapt their approach to the situation in hand. However, this places a huge amount of pressure on the individual, and can lead to a blame and burn out culture. Collective resilience is a newer concept, and is in relation to a group of individuals, with different strengths adapting and evolving together to overcome a challenge. It creates an environment where employees can be seen and heard as whole individuals and where creativity and innovation thrive, as people feel secure enough to take risks, share ideas, and collaborate without fear of judgment or failure.
In short, bringing your whole self to the work environment is not only acceptable, but increasingly, desirable, in a working world that increasingly prioritises creativity, innovation, emotional intelligence and human connection. Get in touch if you want to explore these qualities in your own working life.
